The Love of My Life
by arizonasgirlmd82
Summary: Taking a different twist-Callie and Arizona-a brief history on how they began, where they are now, and where they're going.  Callie is Italian and a NYer...what happens when her world gets turned upside down. Flashbacks from the beginning to present day.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Arizona, are you being serious right now?" I ask half shocked, half intrigued.

"Of Course!" she responds perkily. "I cant wait to have kids with you…lots of kids…and chickens! I want a lot of chickens too!"

"Chickens? Ok babe—as much as I want to hear about the chickens I have rounds in a few minutes and I have tons of clinic prep to get through. Besides, ½ the people here have no idea that we've even involved and we just started…don't you think we should ease into this transition?" I reason with her.

"1/2 the people here don't know that you're married to the new Chief of Peds Surgery? Well we can fix that…" she says as she reaches in, grabs the collar of my lab coat and plants on me the most romantic kiss you could imagine much leaving all of the passerby's in utter shock.

"There" she says brightly…"Now they know that I'm the lucky wife of the new surgical oncologist they flew all the way here just to invite her to their program." With that she spins on her heels, flashes me that million dollar smile and a wink before heading off down the peds wing. "See you tonight wifey" she belts out before the double doors close behind her.

"You're with Robbins?" one of the other oncology fellows asks. "Uh yeah, we've been married for a couple of months now." "Wow that must be rough…being married to a rockstar chief of a service and you're just a fellow." "Actually she's the best thing that's ever happened to me-its not rough at all." I snap back, probably a little ruder than I meant. The smug fellow nods in acknowledgement and walks away. 'Great first impression' I mumble to myself making my way to my locker. Inside my locker there's a card from all my colleagues at my old hospital, SGHW. I never thought I'd miss the likes of Christina Yang and Alex Karev, but I definitely miss being in a group of friends vs. the vultures here. A few months ago the chief of surgery from Sloan-Kettering in NYC flew out to Seattle to meet with Webber about me. Apparently my research on Gestational Trophoblastic Disease earned me a nod by some of the foremost Gynecologic Oncologists in the country.

XxxxxxX

(Chief Webber's office SGMW)

"Hey Chief—you paged?" "Yea Torres, come on in—this is Dr. Scardino—chief of surgery at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York." I extend my hand; "Sir." He nods and shakes it. "Torres, Dr. Scardino is here to offer you a fellowship at MSK."

XxxxxX

(Arizona and Callie's apartment—kitchen)

"What do you mean they offered you a fellowship?" Arizona basically screams out jumping off the barstool in the kitchen. "He just showed up, said my GTD research showed promise and he'd like me to coma aboard. Apparently they have a new hotshot attending GTD specialist who is revolutionizing treatment options on the east coast and…well…he offered me a place in the program." "Omg baby that is AMAZING! You realize that is one of the hardest surgical oncology programs in the world and they just offered you a place before you even finished residency?" "I know" I laugh, "im pretty speechless, nothing has set in at all." Arizona walks closer to me…her voice softer and her eyes grabbing mine, "I am so…soo proud of you. Youre…youre just amazing" she says before leaning in to kiss me which I graciously return. We pull apart and we smile at one another and her smile suddenly starts to fade to a look of worry.

"So are you going to take it?" she asks, almost sadly. "I don't know, this pretty much just happened and I came right here—what do you think?" "I think you need to go" she responds with a smile, hiding her real feelings. She starts to move about the kitchen unloading the dishwasher and making a lot of noise; "I think its an amazing opportunity babe and you'd be silly to let it slip by" I hear, barely over all the racket. "Ari the dishes can wait, come sit with me." I say, realizing she thinks she's losing me to NY right now. I see tears have started to form in her eyes. "Baby why are you crying" I ask, holding her in front of me as I sit on the bar stool. "They're happy tears" she tries to convince me with. "Ari—you didn't let me finish. I told Dr. Scardino and the Chief that the only way I'd consider this program is if there was an opening for my wife who is a pediatric surgeon. It just so happens that they're chief of peds is retiring in a few months and guess who was on their list for a replacement-you. I'm only going to consider this if you're in it with me. I know it's a lot to ask, leaving your home and all of this, but (I begin to ramble) NY is very close to DC so we can visit your parents often and you love when we go to NY and visit my family…and they'll be overjoyed for us to be moving closer….." She puts her hand over my mouth. "You're wife?" she asks, her heart in her throat. Red faced and slightly embarrassed I respond; "Yea, I mean I didn't mean to blurt it out like this. Truth be told I've been thinking about this for a long time, but yeah Arizona we've been together for a while now and I'm so madly in love with you and cant think of my life without you…(I start to sweat, realizing this is the moment I've spend daydreaming about-im actually going to ask my gf to marry my—I drop to my knees in front of her) Arizona Robbins…will you marry me baby? New York or not, will you be my wife?" I ask, tears in my eyes kneeling in front of her. She begins to cry, "Yes..(she says lowly at first), Yes Yes Yes a million times yes" she shrieks as she jumps on me and begins assaulting my face with kisses as we crash to the floor. "You don't mind being married to puny resident?" I joke with her. She gets all serious and strattles me from the kitchen floor. "Hey—I wouldn't care if you were a car wash attendant—I'd still marry you tomorrow. But you're not _just _a resident—youre the a surg onc fellow" she says, leaning down and kissing me with so much love and devotion I nearly pass out. I roll her over onto her back, never breaking our kiss. "Are we really doing this-moving to NY—getting married?" I ask her in between kisses. She pulls back and looks at me, her beautiful blonde hair strewn all over the floor, her cheeks pink and rosey from the kissing and her tears of joy…she smiles at me "Yes" she says simply. "Lets do it—lets start our life together. I cant wait to marry you" she says before wrapping her arms around my neck. "Stay right there I tell her" as I run into the bedroom and retrieve the platinum engagement ring I've had hidden for quite some time. She sits up and I sit in front of her grabbing her left hand and slowly gliding the ring onto her finger "Arizona you have just made me the happiest person on earth—I love you so much" I say, the tears taking over me.

Chapter 2

BEEP

_Hey Cal-the last case got bumped so I'm leaving earlier! So excited for the game tonight! 3_

_Me too baby—get ready to experience your first NY Mets game! _

_Meet you in the lobby in 20 xoxo –A_

"Hey you" she cheekily smiles at me coming over and giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. "Did I tell you how happy I am that we decided to come check this place out and spend a few days alone together?" "Nope" I joke, "but I'm glad youre having a good time."

"I am—so far everyone here has been super welcoming and the ORs are just amazing—I cant believe we're going to be calling this place home soon." Arizona says to me interlocking her hand with mine.

"Well then I think you officially deserve a private tour of your new home in the Big Apple" I flash her a bright smile and we take off.

"So babe, I know tomorrow is really packed with seeing family and all of that so I figured tonight we'd go to the game, grab some dinner maybe and just take it easy?" I ask Ari as we hop on the 7 train on our way to Citi Field.

"That sounds perfect—I am so excited to see everyone tomorrow!"

I snicker, "Oh just wait, you'll regret that after about 2 hours—the whole family all at once can be a bit overwhelming. Thank God the majority of them aren't coming to our wedding! You would have surely pulled a runaway bride."

"Never in a million years—I love you and I love your crazy Italian family…. every holiday surrounds food in some respect. What is not to love?" She jokes

We arrive at Citi Field and Arizona's childlike enthusiasm comes soaring through as she grabs my arm and yanks me as she sprints toward the gate. Practically skipping and dancing the whole way we finally get to our seats and enjoy the game. Field level seats, a gift from my beautiful fiancée, who knows that I've been a Mets fan since I was a little kid.

"Oh my God Arizona, these seats are insane! I cant even believe it-I've never been this close in my entire life!" I squeal. She smiles and kisses my cheek telling me that I deserve it.

The game was fantastic, the Mets beat the Phillies, Arizona ate her body weight in stadium food and we got ourselves matching Mets hats. We head back into the city and walk around a bit, taking in our new surroundings. Even though I've lived in NY most of my life, I feel like I see it again for the first time through Arizona's eyes. She smiles as we stroll leisurely down the city blocks chatting lightly about our plans for our new apartment. We found one a few blocks from the hospital that has a balcony, dishwasher and washer/dryer in the unit….virtually unheard of in NYC. I never thought in my life that I'd be moving back to New York, with a woman as wonderful as Arizona no less—or one who is going to marry me and is talking about starting a family with me. It's unreal.

We retreat back to our hotel room and after showers we climb into our huge king size bed. The 2 hot dogs, nachos, and cotton candy have done their job on Arizona's stomach and she's curled up in bed with a stomach ache. She apologizes for it to me, saying shes sorry that she's ruining our steamy hotel sex night with a tummy ache. I kiss her forehead and snuggle in close to her, wrapping her in my arms. We kiss softly and she lays her head on my chest as we drift off to sleep.

The next morning Arizona wakes with the energy of a 6 year old ready to play in the snow. Delirious from sleep and not ready to leave this amazing bed just yet I pretend to remain sleeping. She doesn't buy it, resorting to tickling, sending me flying off the bed in defense. "Ha! I knew you were faking!" she accuses, chasing me with her tickling fingers. "Babeeee its too early for this," I whine. She reaches under the covers and gently strokes where she knows I cant resist and suddenly I'm up and dragging her into the shower and making her pay for waking me up this early on a semi-vacation.

We spend the day having brunch, walking around the city and talking about all the fun things we plan on doing together once we move here. I take her to Central Park and we get some dirt dogs. It never amazes me how many hot dogs my cute petite girlfriend can consume before feeling ill. Later on that night we head back to the hotel and dress for dinner out with my family. They want us to meet them at this Italian restaurant a few blocks from our new hospital coincidentally. We've been going to this restaurant for about 20 years and up until moving to Seattle, I've had every single birthday at this restaurant. Arizona comes out wearing a black dress and black heels, her hair straightened and her makeup looking flawless. After I pick my jaw off the floor I tell her just how stunning she looks. On the way to the restaurant I can sense that Arizona is a little nervous. She's met my basic family before: mom, dad, brother, but they have no idea we're engaged and the majority of my extended family barely knows Arizona exists. Ari's family is so small, it being just her parents and some distant aunts/uncles that we find ourselves much closer with them. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous too right now. We get to the restaurant and I lead her down the steps to the restaurant and instantly I'm flooded with all the memories spent here. We walk down the long corridor and I tell Arizona about the authentic bocce court they have in the backroom and that the food here is amazing…

"SURPRISE!"

Looking like a deer in headlights nearly falling over if it wasn't for Arizona's hand in mind I look into the back room and see my entire family and a good portion of some friends and Arizona sharing knowing smiles.

"What the hell?" I ½ laugh, ½ really want to know what the crap is going on, I say as I begin greeting my relatives. "Well when I spoke to your dad last and told them we were coming for a visit we thought your new endeavor was certainly deserving of a surprise party..and it kinda went from there," Arizona smiled at me brightly, giving me a wink of encouragement to relax, as she greeted the mass of Italians storming her. All my relatives are congratulating me and telling me how beautiful Arizona is and I look over and see her in the middle of what must be 8 of my aunts who, in the nicest way possible, are grilling her over topics like cooking, babies, how much do you make, youre too pretty to not have a nice boy—whats wrong with you. Arizona smiles and takes it all like a champ, flashing me her loving smile and knowing looks every chance she gets, knowing I'm getting the same torture. The food begins to come out so I take this opportunity to grab Ari and take her outside for some air while the animals feed. We step into the cool, crisp, air and I pull her in for a kiss. "I cant believe you did all this, Arizona" I say, kissing her again. "Well I didn't think it was going to be this big of a party" she says laughing and wrapping her arms around me, "But I'm glad it is now—I was hoping maybe we could tell them our other good news…" she says as she leans in to deepen the kiss.

"What other good news?" my brother questions as she joins us sneaking outside. "UM…your sister asked me to marry her and I said YES!" Arizona squeals nearly jumping on him. My brother and his boyfriend, who have now both joined us outside, are all dancing around and jumping up and down at the news. After hugs and congratulations from them, we brace ourselves for the group inside. We sit down and eat some food with them, Arizona agreeing it's the best Italian food she's ever had in her life—and that's coming from a girl who may as well be 100% Italian because she could eat pasta every day of her life. After dinner when everyone is still in their respective tables chatting, Arizona and I look at each other and smile before I stand and thank everyone for coming out to celebrate. "I truly appreciate everyone coming out on such short notice to celebrate the new step Arizona and I are taking in our careers…while youre all here I'd like to tell you about another step she and I will be soon taking…" ( I reach down and grab her hand and pull her up to stand next to me) "I recently asked Arizona to marry me….and I SAID YES! (Arizona jumped in before I could finish causing my family to erupt in congratulations and whisking my fiancée away from me once again. Fiancee. God I will never ever get tired of hearing saying that word….of course until I can call her wife.

After dinner we're on such a high, that the boys convince us to go dancing. A few of our friends join us and we head downtown to Henrietta Hudsons and properly celebrate our engagement. I recognize a few friends from my days at the clubs and they take care of us all night. Dedicating Madonna songs to us and keeping the drinks flowing. Eventually Arizona and I are just on the pole together and making out in every corner of the room. She pulls me into the bathroom and I lift her onto the sink assaulting her with my tongue. She has her fingers clutching my hair pulling me to deepen our kiss. She slips her hand inside my zipper and growls that its time to go. My knees buckle and I can barely respond. She hops off the sink and pulls me out of the bathroom, quickly telling all our friends that were going to head out because we have an early flight….which of course they take one look at me red faced and disheveled and they know better…and start cat calling to Arizona to take me home and 'get her girl' To which she responds by winking and hailing us a cab.

Chapter 3

Callie's POV

Our first few months in New York were amazing. Arizona really seemed to grow such an appreciation for the city that I call home and suddenly we find ourselves talking big picture about staying here and raising a family. Family. A word that didn't always hold such meaning to me until a certain blonde bombshell walked into my life and made me realize that having children that bore her resemblance was just about the best thing earth could offer. 6 months into fellowship Arizona and I were ready to start trying for a family—and were successful on our first try. I'll never forget the night my gorgeous wife whispered in my ear that we were pregnant. We stood there staring at each other, for what felt like hours. Her glistening eyes comforting me that we would be amazing parents—and the hours we spent making love to one another that night—I'll never forget that night. Things seem different now.

Fellowship is tough. It's a different world in New York and a different world in the dealings of cancer. The competition is more cutthroat and the praise is seemingly non-existent. Not a day goes by that I don't question if I'm cut out for this. I feel like lately all I'm doing is making my severe patients comfortable when all their options have run out or I'm telling young wives that we had to perform a hysterectomy because the cancer had spread. Its hard going home and being excited about the starting of your own family when you have to end someone else's dream of one. Arizona has started to feel the distance I guess. I'm not trying to be distant, I don't want to be, but I'm struggling with connecting and I don't know how to feel about it. She's been on cloud 9 since we found out we were pregnant and I guess I'm a little jealous because I'm struggling with finding my cloud 9—even though I cant possibly wait to be a mom. God some days just know that she loves me so much that she wants to have a baby with me is all that gets me through the day. We want this baby so badly. We decided to wait until she was at least cleared of her first trimester until we told anyone. It's a mixture of my Italian catholic superstition and background in GYN that more prompting this. I can tell its killing Ari not to tell her mom when they talk everyday.

Arizona has been so patient with me during this few months of transition but I can feel her patience wearing thin. She's a surgeon who knows the demands and stress that I have right now, but she's also a wife…a wife carrying my child…and those expectations for me are starting to come out stronger than ever. She never used to get annoyed at me for checking my work email often when we were home, or getting paged to the OR in the middle of the night. Things seem a little more tense around here.

"I don't understand why you have to go, there's another fellow on call Calliope, you worked the last 3 weekends and we finally have a Saturday alone and you're running to the hospital?"

"Arizona please, you know what I'm up against. This is a huge debulking and if I don't at least show face in the gallery I'm not going to be in anyone's sight to scrub in. Please baby, I wont be long—we can still do something tonight."

"That's hardly the point Calliope, I finally feel energized and not wanting to puke my guts up and I wanted to go to the park with my wife. Remember we're married now…that should mean that I spend more time with you than the doorman!" she growls at me.

"Give me a break ok, I need to do this. You're parents will be here in two days and I took off so we could spend time all together…." she cuts me off "Oh what am I supposed to thank you for taking some time off work to spend with your wife and your in laws so we can tell them that we're going to be grandparents?"

"Arizona you know that's not what I was saying…" cut off again "Oh I hear you loud and clear Calliope..go ahead…go to your surgery. I'd rather be alone now."

Defeated I grab my keys, kiss her on the cheek which she accepts coldly and walk to the hospital. Once in the gallery I take a seat with some of my colleagues.

"Well look who decided to show up" scoffs Miller, one of the gyn onc fellows. I ignore him and continuing viewing. They're operating on a 29 year old newly wed with newly diagnosed cervical cancer. I met her husband while rounding on the chiefs service and he told me how they were trying to have a baby and the cancer was discovered during a routine visit with their fertility specialist at NYU. Before they knew it, she had advanced metastatic disease and the prognosis wasn't good. Her husband, obviously concerned with the well being of his wife was trying his best to be supportive of her wishes to preserve her fertility by any means possible—even if it meant postponing adjuvant chemotherapy. The surgery looks looked like it was going well so far until they came across significant ascites and adhesions. They were discussing closing her up and referring her to Med Onc as her surgical options were slim with the recent discovery. They called us into the OR to go over a differential diagnosis, as this was a teaching hospital, and the general consensus was agreement to close and refer for chemo with hopes of returning to the OR one day. "What about a radical trachelectomy?" I offer. A few of the fellows scoff, as it's a procedure only a handful of surgeons know how to do let alone utilize. Jewel, the surgeon on this case, asks me to continue. "If we do a radical trachelectomy we can preserve her fertility." Miller pipes in, "Yea that's a great idea Dr. Torres….if she were low grade cervical cancer and a prime candidate" he says condescendingly. "Actually Dr. Miller in Europe theyre exploring the use of the trachelectomy procedure in advance cases and finding great success especially when paired with lymphadenectomy." Jewel offers that its worth a shot and invites me to scrub in. I hear Miller and some of the other fellows saying that Arizona probably told me that…and that there must be some perks being married to a service chief. I'm constantly undermined in this hospital because I'm a fellow and my wife is a service chief. Its things like this that make me miss SGMW.

7 hours later we're done and our patient is off to recovery. Jewel asks me to join him in talking to the husband before I leave for the night. "Mr. Robson I'm happy to report that the surgery went remarkably. We performed an experimental procedure that essentially removed part of your wife's cervix and we attached the two remaining pieces and have found great success. I'm confident that her fertility has been spared." Mr. Robson thanked us both profusely and as we walked away Jewel turned to me and said "This one was all you. You gave them a family."

A Family. Shit. Its almost midnight.

I rush home, not even changing out of my scrubs and find Arizona asleep on the couch with "What to expect when youre expecting" open on her lap. I slowly and carefully remove her reading glasses from her beautiful face and sit there for a minute watching her sleep. She begins to stir. "Callio…" I interrupt this time. "Hi baby, its late let me take you to bed." She nods sleepily and lets me guide her into our bedroom. I lay her down and crawl up behind her putting a protective arm over her and our unborn child. I stroke her stomach over her tshirt and hold her close until her breathing tells me shes fast asleep. I'm soon to follow.

The next morning I awake to an empty bed. She's in the kitchen making breakfast and when I go out to join her she smiles at me and hands me a cup of coffee. "You're all the buzz at work this morning you know" she says to me.

"What are you talking about?"

"I went over there this morning to grab a few files and several people came up to me telling me you rocked in the OR yesterday…saved a woman's fertility."

"It was a Jewel case, he let me assist. It's hardly anything to write home about." I say guiltily. How can I feel proud of giving a woman a chance to have a baby when I'm ignoring my own pregnant wife.

She doesn't push the topic, instead welcomes the silence as we enjoy breakfast.

"My parents will be here tonight. They called yesterday after you left to tell me they moved up their flight. My mom says its because they want some more time with us, but my money is on my Dad is obsessing over the big news we told them we have."

She asks me if I think I can get off a little early tonight to come with her to the airport and I know that its going to be nearly impossible, but right now I'm so thrilled to see her parents and tell them that were going to have a baby that I swear to her I will make it home in time to drive with her to the airport. She flashes me that dimpled smile that always melts my heart and leans in and gives me a tender kiss that says I love you and I forgive you for acting like such an asshole these past few months….but please don't hurt me anymore. I answer her by deepening the kiss and then reaching down to kiss her belly.

"Helloooo in there-mommy loves you" I tease to her bellybutton. She playfully swats at me and I head out to the hospital.

Today feels like a good day. My in laws are coming in who have really become more and more like parents to me every time we see one another. I'm so excited today to tell them about our news that I decide to make a stop and pick up a whole bunch of baby gifts that I feel justified in buying now that we're finally going to spill the beans. I buy an adorable NY Mets onesie, some stuffed animals, a few books for us to read to the baby and some odds and ends. 3:30 on the dot I pack myself up and walk out the door….determined to not let my wife down. Jill, one of the fellows I actually get along with enough to call a friend, has graciously agreed to field all of my pages that may come in tonight. I quickly dial Arizona on the way out to let her know I'm on my way but it goes to voicemail.

"Hi baby…its 3:30 and I'm officially on vacation! I'm hopping in the car and will come come pick you up. See you soon love."

Traffic is backed up for miles and what should only take me ten minutes has turned into 45.

"Babe, its me again…traffic is really backed up. You should probably head to the airport and I'll just meet you there. I don't want to keep you waiting any longer."

Another 30 minutes go by and I'm still not making any progress. I keep checking my phone for some sign of Arizona…but nothing. Cursing myself now for offering to drive and pick her up I resolve to the fact that she probably furious with me for one again letting her down when I said I'd be there.

"Baby its me again. I'm so sorry. I swear to you I left at 3:30 you can check the OR board. I guess you went to the airport without me, I'm hurrying as fast as I….." a call beeps in…

"Arizona? No, Callie its Daniel Robbins. Oh..hello sir…I didn't realize you had landed already…is everything ok?"

"Callie, Arizona never showed up at the airport so we took a cab to your apartment. Somethings happened. I need you to meet us at NY Presbyterian."

The fear of god runs through me as I abruptly hang up the call and make several illegal turns before speeding down York Ave. towards the hospital. Horrible images are running through my head.

I throw my car in a lot and bust through the ER doors. Throwing around my hospital ID like it's a badge I demand answers. Being friendly reminded by the nursing staff that my hospital is across the street, they begrudgingly lead me to a room where I see Daniel standing outside.

"Daniel…oh my god…whats wrong? Is it Arizona?"

"Calliope (oh god I think—he's never one called me by my full name) the ER doctor answered Arizona's phone when I called to let her know we were just going to take a cab. He told me that she came in bleeding profusely so they have her in transfusion and they're monitoring her. Barbara is in there with her right now."

Bleeding? I think to myself. What on earth could she be bleeding from? And then it hits me….

"Oh my god. I need to get in there."

"Callie right now isn't a good time."

"Why? Why the hell not Daniel, that's my wife they have in there!"

Chapter 4

"Callie!" I hear Arizona yell from behind the curtain. I barge past Daniel and whip the curtain back revealing my beautiful wife, so pale and fragile looking, hooked up to all of these monitors. Her mother is seated next to her, stroking her hand.

"I knew you'd come" Arizona whispers to me, almost smiling before she allows to tears she's been holding in to fall freely. I rush over to her and pull her into my arms as she wails. Barbara reaches over and rubs my back gently as I console my wife who is crumbling to pieces in my arms.

"Baby I'm so sorry I'm late…the traffic…i…should have…" just then the doctor walks in. Barbara joins Daniel in the waiting room to give us some privacy.

The doctor introduces himself to me and explained he's the GYN emergency fellow on call. He tells me that Arizona came in to the ER bleeding very heavily and almost incoherent. They ran a myriad of tests and unfortunately have confirmed that she has miscarried.

Her cries get louder as he continues.

"The pregnancy seems to have terminated on its own, so I don't foresee having to go in and do a D&C, but I'd like to keep her overnight for observation to make sure."

He leaves us to grieve the loss of our child. Everything goes silent. I can see her crying, I can feel her body shaking in my arms. Finally I can hear again.

"Callie…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry. I should have called you. I just knew how busy you are at work and didn't want to bother you if it was nothing serious."

I can feel my heart crumble when she says this. I've been so busy and neglectful to my wife—and in her weakest and probably scariest moment—she was thinking of me and not wanting to bother me. I am such an idiot.

Daniel and Barbara walk in, the sadness in their eyes as they've put together the scenario of what must have happened. Barbara engulfs Arizona in a tight hug and they just let one another cry. I get up from my seat on her bed to give them some privacy. I go to leave the room and walk blankly through the hospital doors. I bum a cigarette from a visitor outside and light up. I haven't smoked in years, but right now….right now I know my wife wants a cigarette…and I want to join her.

Daniel comes outside and stands with me. At first eyeing the cigarette, but then ignores it figuring if there was ever a time for one—this was it.

"I made a lot of mistakes with my family, Callie."

"Sir?" "I always let my job come before them. I was gone months, sometimes years, and when I was home it was constant preparation until I went away again. It was the life I chose, and I do not regret one moment of it. But my family struggled and it took me a long time to realize that. Arizona is the light of my life. She means everything to her mother and I."

I look at him, not sure where this is coming from.

"My daughter calls me every day, Calliope. Every. Day. You are most certainly a good man in a storm who works hard to provide for her family and I respect that. I know you love her…but you need to straighten your priorities out. Like my daughter, I too protect the things I love."

With that, he turns and walks back into the hospital. I stand there…stunned. Did Arizona's dad really just threaten me…5 minutes after I found out my wife lost the baby? Did that seriously just happen? Jesus, Arizona must have been talking to him about what's been going on at home.

I head back into the hospital and head towards my wife's room. Barbara is standing outside and as I approach she gives me a hug. "I'm so sorry sweetheart." She offers. "Me too-we were going to tell you this weekend. We were so excited" I return, starting to feel the pain in my words I pull back. I need to be strong.

I walk into Arizona's room and she's laying there. I take Barbara's seat next to her bed and bring my face down to hers. I hold her hands and kiss her forehead. She looks beautiful. She hasn't lost that glow. Despite her being pale and looking like she's going to throw up….she's never looked more beautiful. We don't say anything. I trace her face with my finger and she scoots closer to my chair. I stroke her hair with my free hand. She takes my other hand and leads it to her stomach, her now empty womb, and holds my palm over it—as if wanting me to fix it. I want to fix this all. I climb onto the bed with her, keeping one hand on her belly and the other wrapped around her. She eventually cries herself to sleep and I just hold her until her parents come in. They tell me they're going to go back to the apartment and, knowing there was no way I was leaving my wife, offered to bring me a change of clothes. I told them I was ok, that my hospital was right across the street and could get something from my locker if I needed. I gave them the keys to my car and told them to make themselves at home and that I apologize for not being home with them. I then also ask them to get rid of the contents of the bag in the front seat, knowing Arizona couldn't handle seeing baby stuff right now. Barbara gives me a kiss on my forehead and brushes the hair away from her daughter face. Daniel comes over and leans down a kiss to his daughters forehead and puts his hand on my shoulder briefly…silently apologizing for his timing earlier and wanting me to know he was sorry for our loss.

They leave us alone and I spend the rest of the night holding my wife…silently praying that the tiny coffins she sometimes dream of, don't have new meaning for her.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Ok so this story is going in a lot of different directions in my head, so I hope I'm not confusing anyone when I write. Essentially Callie and Arizona meet in Seattle when Callie is a resident and Arizona is already a chief of a department. Callie falls for Arizona, and Arizona is initially afraid of the implications of their relationship, but soon realizes she cant hide how she feels—nor does she want to. These stories are at different time frames from them first dating and falling in love, to their marriage and life currently with their children. I hope you enjoy and I don't confuse you J**_

Arizona:

I woke up this morning better than the last few. The sun was shining but the breeze was cool. Cal was still asleep in bed and she's been running on empty lately between her grueling schedules at the hospital, my parents being in town and our lack of privacy, and her general concern with how I'm dealing with losing the baby. I smile as I look down at my dark haired protector and get a little flip in my stomach thinking about how much I love this woman. I don't want to wake her so I carefully make my way out of our bedroom and head to the kitchen. My mom is in there tinkering around with our unnecessarily difficult coffee maker that Callie insisted on having because it made the 'best coffee.' I, the now pro, quickly fix the problem and it begins to brew. Mom looks at me like she's almost surprised to see me out of the bedroom and looking normal, but knowing my dire need to return to normalcy, she makes no mention and resumes her routine. Smiling at me and asking if I feel rested she places a plate of food in front of me. We make mindless conversation as we eat. She tells me my father has gone out on the hunt for groceries, seeing that we were running low. Although my mom insisted that we probably would prefer to do our own shopping he, of course, wouldn't hear of it and woke up early to get the task done. I laugh and thank her for all she's been doing to help us.

Callie:

I woke up to an empty bed and to the sounds of laughter in the kitchen. It took me a few minutes to gain my bearings, but then I heard it again and this time was sure the laughter was somehow coming from my gorgeous wife. I threw on some shorts and a tank top and made my way out into the kitchen. I spot Arizona who was sitting on a stool at our breakfast bar. Her hair was tired up in a messy bun/ponytail thing and she was wearing my old Fordham softball tshirt and some yoga pants. One leg is under her and her other bare foot is playing absentmindedly with the leg of the stool. I walk towards her and she looks up, coffee cup in hand and gives me a genuine smile. One that I haven't seen in too long. I return the favor and lean down to give her kiss. She continues to smile and look at me. I realize I'm ignoring my mother in law so I turn around and give her a kiss on the cheek too and say my good mornings. Barbara fills me in on the girl talk and hands me a coffee as well. I take my seat next to my wife help myself to some cereal. Barbara is insisting she fix me something for breakfast, but I refuse telling her that its too much trouble and all I want is cereal. We playfully argue back and forth until she finally just removes from the cereal from my hand and begins to make eggs. Barbara tells us that if we're up to it we should maybe go out today and do some shopping, have some lunch etc. Arizona says it's a great idea and tells me that I can meet them for dinner or something after I'm done with some research work etc. "No, I'm not going to the hospital today." "You're not?" zona asks, almost shocked. "No I took some time off, the research will be there when I get back. Unless you ladies would like some mother/daughter time…then I'll make myself scarce." I say, smiling. "No!" Arizona retorts, surprising herself with the enthusiasm. "I mean, I'd love to have lunch with you alone mom, but right now…right now I need to be around my whole family." Barbara smiles, mentally exhaling at the sight that her baby is beginning to heal. "Well then lets get going! Off to the showers the both of you!" Barbara playfull swats at us as we make out way to our bedroom to get ready for the day. Arizona goes to her closet to figure out an outfit and I sit down at the small desk we have set up in our bedroom, right by the balcony, so if we need to do work at night, we're still in the same room. I briefly check my email and Arizona comes over to me and sits on my lap. I smile and her and shut my laptop and begin to apologize for going on it but she silences me with a searing kiss and then cuddling into me and puts her head on my shoulder. I hold her tight, knowing this is our way to tell the other that we're going to be ok. She whispers in my ear how much she loves me and tells me I've been so amazing. I tell her how much I love her and how happy she makes me. We sit there, holding each other for a while until she sits up and strattles my legs. "I just want you to know—I want to try again. I love you so much and I want our family so badly. I need to try again." She says to me, tears building in her eyes. I hold her hips in my hands, the own tears becoming evident with each blink. "We will baby. I promise. And we're going to have the happiest, healthiest baby and he/she is so so lucky because we're going to love him/her soooo much." She bites her bottom lip, a few tears falling as she nods in agreement. I pull her into more kisses, tearful this time, as I whisper how much I love her in her ear.

*****Future*****

Arizona:

I'm pregnant. Our little one was supposed to join us almost 2 weeks ago and, like my gorgeous wife, is a stubborn little heavy sleeper. Callie just came off of a double shift and is now sprawled out in our bed, scrubs still on, her face smushed somewhere in between my side and the pillow. I'm not sure if she's even breathing, but I can't exactly get up on my own these days so she's on her own. My mom has called twice to "just say hi" as if we weren't going to see them in a few hours when we leave for our trip. I tell her how Cal's asleep next to me so I don't want to wake her and I'll see her in the morning. She tells me to give her a kiss from them and that she'll catch up with her tomorrow to finish their conversation from earlier. I smile to myself at how close my parents and Callie have become. They speak to one another completely independent of me and I think they honestly see in her exactly what I've seen in her always. Callie is an amazing wife. She is an amazing doctor. She is pretty much my hero. She stirs beneath me and wraps a protective arm across the enormous mound that is our very overdue baby. Cal has been working double shifts nonstop so she can take some time off when the baby is born and I know she's driving herself into the ground, but never complains at all—just tells me how she cant wait for the baby, or how beautiful I look, or arranges for our favorite restaurants to deliver anything I could ever want. I had to literally force her to take these 4 days off so we can go on vacation before the baby comes. We decided to go down to Ocean City, MD because we can drive there and because Callie spent every summer there when she was a child and its absolutely one of her most favorite places on earth. She even has a picture on her desk at work of her whole family standing on the steps of some crab house down there and she loves that picture. An hour or so later Callie wakes up and is greeting by her little girl who is super hyper and ready for vacation.

"Hi big girl" Cal says as she reaches down sleepily, still in scrubs, and picks up her little one.

"Mommy when are we leavingggg I cant wait anymore.." Sofia whines.

"Soon babygirl…we need to help Mommy pack and she and the baby need to rest and then before you know it it'll be time to leave."

Sofia didn't look amused, but humored her mother anyway by changing the topic. "Tell me what we're gonna do there again" asks the tiny 3 yr old.

Callie picked Sofia up and placed her on the kitchen counter while she ordered a pizza for her family. She got extra garlic knots for Arizona as, for some reason, her cravings seem to always include garlic in some form. Most people would agree, that would not lead to many pleasant kisses—but Callie didn't care one bit—her wife was pregnant, she legally had a daughter to call her own and they were about to go on vacation to a place where Callie had always wanted to return one day with a family of her own. She began to explain to Sofia that in Ocean City they'e going to go to the beach and to the boardwalk and they're going to eat good food and go swimming. "Mommy come swimming too?" she asks. "Of course monkey" Arizona says walking into the kitchen and joins our conversation while beginning to fold the laundry she was carrying. Callie lifts Sofia up onto the chair and then helps her wife with the folding. Sofia begins singing as she tries to fold a sock so Arizona chats with Callie.

"So my parents will be here probably around 5am, so we should maybe load the car up tonight?" "ok sounds good"

"I know its early, but we're not staying for too too long and I'd like us to have a full beach day when we arrive." "no it sounds great, as long as we make a coffee stop in the morning, I'm good to go. "of course" arizona replies, smiling at Callie.

The doorbell rings and Sofia starts yelling pizzaaaaa and heads off to the door with Callie on her tail. I pick her up and throw her on my hip while opening the door to pay for the pizza. Arizona comes up from behind me and grabs the box and we head back into the kitchen. We sit around the island, nothing formal, opened suitcases sprawled across the living room….heaven. Sofia is bouncing off the walls with excitement and I am too…I've always dreamed of taking my family to the place that I've spent my summers growing up. Arizona knows all about how its my favorite place, practically dragging her down there as soon as she suggested us maybe getting away from Seattle for a weekend. I know at that point she probably wanted to go to a lavish island vacation, but I wanted her to become more of a part of me. We had a great time that weekend. Finally being able to be ourselves outside of the hospital and being worried what others would think about our situation. On the beach in Ocean City is the first time we said I love you to one another. OC now holds the same special meeting to Arizona as well. We smile at one another, remembering that wonderful time together….only to have my pager blare at me….and throw us out of this loving state.

"Mommy no!" Sofia yells, "vacation! " and starts bawling and jumps into Arizona's arms. Arizona, knowing I'm still on call until 11pm, gives me a half smile knowing I'm exhausted and want to throw the pager out the window. "Crap it's the pit, trauma coming in, pregnant women on scene—I gotta go" "I know" Zona smiles at me before telling Sof not to worry that mommy would never ever miss vacation with us because we're her two favorite girls. I kiss them both before running across the street to the hospital.

"Come on Monkey" I say to Sofia when I feel her calming. "Let's eat some pizza and finish packing so that by the time mommy comes home—we can leave for our trip!" Arizona was about to dive into her second slice of pepperoni when she heard her pager go off too. Oh no, she thought to herself…not tonight. Seems the pregnant women on site that Callie were called in to deal with are now in labor and the babies are premature. Arizona rings the sitter and she comes right over. A nice girl from down the block. Her mom is a physician at a nearby hospital so she's used to being around their lifestyle. She loves babysitting for Arizona and Callie bc they always leave her money to order food, they pay her extra when it's a last minute request and she can usually bring by a friend as long as they don't keep Sofia up too late. Sof loves Angie, so its usually not too much of a struggle to leave her, but tonight….Sofia is just not having it. It breaks her heart knowing Sofia, adopted at an older age, probably has never been on a vacation and we've built it up so high for her—wanting her to have everything in the world—that we didn't think what a wreck she'd be like if it was taken away. Angie, who is also adopted, I think is a great influence for Sofia and for us too. When Angie comes in and tells Sofia not to cry because the sooner mommy leaves the sooner she can go get Momma and you can all go on vacation. Sofia instantly smiles and heads to the couch with Angie.

"Ang thank you so much…theres cash on the table, order whatever you want or eat the leftover pizza. Page either me or Callie for anything-we'll try not to be home so late." Arizona spits out before giving sofia a kiss on the head and running across the street to the hospital herself. When she gets there it seems that two women were involved in an accident, both pregnant, and one of them was apparently in pre-term labor. I spot Callie in the room doing an ultrasound on one of the patients while the other is in a bed next to her. "Dr. Torres", I say to my wife, "what have we got?" Callie's head spins to the side, surprised to see me. "Dr Robbins…two females involved in a MVA car vs. truck. Driver, 6 months pregnant, hit the wheel. Passenger, also 6 months pregnant, head laceration and no other visible trauma." "thank you" I say to her, giving her a quick smile and nod letting her know our daughter is ok and safely at home. "So Ladies" I address the patients now,"both of you are 6 months along –funny coincidence huh?"

"It was planned, actually" replied the passenger. "Karen and I are a couple, we couldn't decide who was going to carry first so we decided to go at the same time." She reached out and grabbed her wifes hand, the both of them smiling at one another trying to hide the worry that is now evident on their faces. Callie is still looking for a fetal heartbeat and I try and calm my patients down and let her work. "Well that's great, my partner and I adopted our daughter a year or so back and I'm pregnant currently with our second—kids truly are awesome." "Wow" Karen says to me, "that must be some lucky girl—hot AND a doctor" she giggles to her partner after the heartbeat was found and the tension in the room bottomed out. I'm checking Karen's belly for an abnormalities, but she looks good. I tell her I'm going to page plastics and have them fix her laceration on her head and Callie is still giving the baby an extremely thorough exam, finding nothing suspicious thus far. Karen notices my ID rtag "Robbins-Torres" she reads aloud…any relation to this Dr. Torres, as she motions with her hands towards Callie. Arizona nods excitedly, "Yup, we're married actually. " I say as Callie smiles and nods at the patients and then looks at me and smiles. "Wow, TWO, hot doctors" Karen spits out before her wife, Lisa, pipes in and says to forgive Karen for her bluntness…the hormones have made her a bit…honest. We all laugh and Callie tells them that the baby is in good shape, she'd like to keep her overnight to monitor for trauma, but we'll admit you both so you don't have to be separated. I explain that Karen looks good, baby is doing great, and other than stitches she's good to go. They both thank us profusely and we leave the room.

Arizona gives me a kiss on the cheek and tells me not to keep her girls waiting too long as she skips off to the home they share. I still want to monitor my patients for a while so I head to the lounge and plop down on the couch, passing out almost instantly until I'm awoken by my phone…

_**Texts**_

_A: I'm thinking about the first time we made love._

_C: Oh you are, are you? _

_A: I am…do you remember it?_

_C: Of course I do, but are you referring to the on call room first time or the time you invited me up to your apartment?_

_A: mmmm both? More specifically all of them…_

_C: You're driving me crazy right now._

_A: Didn't I always? _

_C: That's an understatement..I nearly ruined my career I was so into you_

_A: And look at us now…married and I simply adore you and our babies xoxo_

_C: Who would have guessed xoxo_

_I shut my phone and sit back at my desk reminiscing of our first time together…_

I was a second year resident, working insane shifts and trying to keep my head above water. I had just moved to Seattle from New York to begin my clinical year at Seattle Grace. My first rotation was in Peds Surgery and I was extremely nervous. I didn't have much experience with Peds, having done strictly as many surgical rotations as I could find, so I was hoping that peds surg was just going to be that—but in miniature. I showed up for rounds early and was just brushing up on some notes when this gorgeous blonde skated…wait..is she really skating?...up next to me at the nurse's station. She gave me a cheery "Hi" and began charting. At first I thought she was an NP, PA maybe…you seemed too cheery to be a doctor. Maybe she's a pediatrician I thought. I couldn't stop looking at her. She was so warm and inviting almost…smiled at everyone she spoke to, its like sunlight radiated off of her. I felt drawn to her in a way I couldn't fully understand. She struck up a conversation with me, after noticing me awkwardly looking at her. "Resident, right?" "Yes, I'm Callie, I just started my rotation here." "Oh great, what is your first one in, Callie?" "Peds Surgery" "Well then Callie..is that short for something?" "Um, yes its short for Calliope, but no one really calls me that" "Well Calliope" she says, a shiver running up my body at the sexy way she says my name "…welcome to Peds." And with that she gave me a smile and then called everyone over to round.

"Hi everyone. I'm Arizona Robbins, head of the peds surgery service. " As she went on with her introduction to the Peds department my face must have been bright red realizing the woman I've been admiring and flirting with is now going to be the attending overseeing me for the next few months. I'm in big trouble I thought.

Within the first three months I've already learned more from this woman about compassion, self control, surgical skill and kindness than any other surgeon I've ever worked with. She handles each case with diligence, impeccable judgment, stoicism, but most of all kindness. I've never seen her lose her cool even when dealing with the most unfortunate of circumstances. I found myself really struggling to separate my emotions from my work. I had never worked with kids before and Dr. Robbins knew I had an interest in oncology so she would always request me on any onc cases. We've had this small boy, Wallace, and he and Dr. Robbins had clearly known one another for a very long time. We had been working closely together for the last few months going over clinical trials and surgical procedures that we could possibly use for him. I spent the entire night before up until 4am reviewing every piece of information on his chart to be well versed when I met him, finally, the following morning. I found myself thinking about her all night, not wanting to admit that I was falling for someone who is not only out of my league, but also my superior.

The next day I got in extra early and prepped all the charts for the day. I wasn't even trying to suck up or seem over-interested; it was just that I couldn't sleep anymore or get her out of my head. What surprised me was when I got there a little after 6am, Dr. Robbins was already in Wallace's room, sitting next to him and reading him a book while he slept. I stood outside the room for a while, watching her, watching her read this sleeping little boy a book, but reading it with the same enthusiasm as she would if he was awake and laughing with her. She catches a glimpse of me watching her and I awkwardly turn away and head back to the nurses station to look busy, silently chastisizing myself for looking like such a tool in front of her.

"Good Morning Dr. Torress" she says to me, standing closely next to me, filling out her charts. "Good Morning Dr. Robbins" I offer her back, still too afraid to make eye contact with her. "Did you have a good breakfast this morning?" she asked me. "I'm sorry?" I ask her confusingly. "I had a banana and some coffee…why?" "Good, you'll be scrubbing in with me this morning, I got Wallace's PET/CT back this morning…he's recurred and we need to debulk him right away." I stand there shocked. Fellows usually scrub in with attendings for large cases, but she's giving me the opportunity of a lifetime right now. "Wow …um…it'd be an honor" I say. "Good then, see you in 30 minutes" she replied, heading off to her office. My heart is pounding out of my chest between the excitement of being asked to participate in such a demanding case and the fact that the woman who has pretty much bewitched me asking for my help. I didn't know which one was making my heart beat faster.

30 minutes goes by in a flash and I'm now scrubbing in to the procedure. I had been in the OR with Dr. Robbins before but it was mostly to observe or assist the fellow in his/her portion of the procedure. I watch from the window Dr. Robbins standing next to Wallace and rubbing his arm and holding his hand as he is drifting under anesthesia. I had noticed this about her before that unlike most surgeons, she likes to be with her patient as she goes under anesthesia. I was completely entranced with her when I first saw her do it. The warmth and comfort that she was instilling in her patient at that moment…it almost made me feel more comfortable just by watching it. Come to think of it every time she walked into a room I felt better.

I'm interrupted from my day dream by Robbin's fellow who is clear to remark that he cant understand how she listed me as first assistant today and not him. I ignore his remarks and enter the OR with confidence and calm. Ever since I was younger and was only interested in medicine and just observing cases, I've always felt so comfortable in ORs. They were exhilarating and interesting and I remember feeling like I couldn't wait to be standing there, being an integral part of that treatment team, vs. always just being an observer. I didn't go the traditional route from college to med school etc, I game from a single mother who couldn't afford to help me with college. After putting myself through Fordham I worked at a local cancer center doing research for a few years until I applied and got into Med School at Duke. Never forgetting my roots and segregating myself from those trust fund babies who only became doctors because their dads were doctors…I gained the confidence that one needed to be in the OR..and I made sure to tap into it as I walked into her operating room, terrified on the inside to not only let our patient down, but not let her down either.

**Arizona's POV (everything in bold)**

**She sauntered in like she owned the place. For any other resident I'd think it was smug, maybe pompous even; but, not her. She exhumed confidence and skill…but remained vulnerable and humble; respectful of her place and position. I had to admit, I was a little impressed. **

I approached the patient as the scrub nurses put on my gloves and draped me. Dr. Robbins didn't look at anyone, but began to meticulously start on the patient. Once his tiny abdomen was seamlessly exposed she gasped at the amount of adhesions were there. She allowed me to take the reins at this point, ligating the gluey adhesions that have plagued this small boy. Once we made it through the real trouble began. There was disease everywhere, extending well above his omentum. I had never seen anything this advanced before. I followed her lead and listened to her instructions. She spoke clearly and with intention, while never raising her voice or letting her fear be known. I felt calm when she spoke to me. I trusted her. She treated me like she trusted me too. Our eyes met and she coached me further, "You're doing great Calliope, just keep steady and cauterize as you go." I nodded and continued. The 4 hours mark had passed and we were still in the weeds. She had decided to remove the omentum and gall bladder. With everything she did she explained to me why she was doing it, and even though she didn't need to for the things that I already knew, it was never once lecturing or condescending. I wanted her to tell me everything. I wanted her to talk to me so desperately I didn't care how redundant it was. Our eyes kept locking as our hands moved efficiently and in synch. We were hitting the home stretch when the monitors began to blare. My heart wanted to jump out of my chest, I wanted to freak out thinking I did something wrong…he was bleeding and I couldn't find the source. Arizona locked eyes with me again "ok Calliope, the moment of truth…where's the bleed?" I kept looking at her for a second, freaking out and not ready for her to take her hand off my training bike. She gives me a nod of encouragement and I look down and begin to take control back.

**I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. I was cheering her on so loudly in my own head that for a moment I thought the whole OR could hear me. She was amazing. The raw skill she possessed, her ability to remain calm throughout the entire time…I was captivated…and proud? I feel pride as I watch her do clearly what she was born to. **

I have zero visual. The bleeding wont stop and no amount of suction is helping. "Pads!" I spit out, basically looking for anything to aid this bleed. Nothing is working, he's losing too much blood.

"Calliope you can do this!" she screams. **OMG did I actually just say that out loud? OMG the nurses are looking at me. **I continue working, the beads of sweat dripping down my face, my heart is pounding out of my chest I swear everyone can hear it. Suddenly I find it, tucked behind an intestine. I reach in and stop it, Arizona jumping it to cauterize as I manually maintain the hemostasis. His pressure begins to rise and the incessant beeping begins to slow. Her hand brushes against mine as we begin to close. "Nice work, Dr. Torres. You can take it from here I see" she says to me before scrubbing throwing her gloves and gown away and leaving the OR. Why am I sad she's leaving? What did I expect? The surgeons never close the patient; it's a fellow and residents job. We close our patient and send him off to the PACU where I find Dr. Robbins with his parents awaiting their son into recovery. The mother is crying and the father is clearly relieved seeing his young man appear before him, his color already looking better than ever. They thank Dr. Robbins and she tells them how it was her pleasure. Once I sign out our patient the PACU nurses I head off to the locker room to change. I sat in front of my locker, taking a moment to appreciate the day's events and get my bearings on reality. Some of the others come in, apparently viewing from the gallery and convince me to go to this bar near the hospital, Joe's for a few drinks. We had to have been there for about two hours, and I was completely unaware of her being in the same place.

**I was seated behind her somewhat, with some fellow surgeons and a few of our OR nurses. I was trying to stay focused on the conversation, but I just kept being drawn to the brunette seated a ways in front of me. I watched her as she explained with such enthusiasm the surgery and all its details; I didn't realize I had begun smiling. "Earth to Arizona," one of the nurses joked to me, not trying to be too obvious that she caught me checking out my resident. I smiled and shrugged, taking another shot of tequila. I couldn't really see what was going on but I could tell from Calliopes body language that the conversation had taken an awkward turn and it looked like one of the fellows was in an argument with her. A part of me wanted to run to her rescue, but I knew it would be inappropriate…and I also knew she certainly didn't need rescuing from anyone. Eventually I watched Callie get up and go to the bathroom, as the smug fellow called something out after her. Of course, the nurses at my table heard the whole exchange and immediately began filling us all in. Apparently Calliope, in telling her story of the case, spoke so highly of me and my abilities that the jerk fellow called her a lesbian and said she liked me or something incredibly childish along those lines. She basically put him in his place and stormed off into the bathroom before he screamed out calling her a dyke. I finished my next shot and made my way into the bathroom. I saw her standing there, over the sink, washing her face from the disgusting words that were thrown her way. "Hey" I offered. "Hey" she replied, probably perkier than she intended. I smiled at her nervousness. "I heard what happened over there." "Terrific, that whole thing wasn't unprofessional at all," she replied sarcastically, not wanting to make eye contact. "People talk a lot..like a lot..where we work and I just want you to know..that the talk is good. Everyone seems to really like you." Callie scoffs at that a little, but smiles at me as to not seem like she isn't grateful for my attempts at cheering her up. "He's just jealous that I picked you," I said to her, my eyes making contact with hers. "Yeah, about that, that you so much for that opportunity…I mean…wow…you have no idea what it means…" I lean in a place my hand on the back of her neck and pull her in for a searing kiss. I can feel her freeze up but then relax as I deepen the kiss before pulling back. She looks at me like a deer in headlights. I smile at the cute expression. "I'd pick you again, Calliope," I said to her before smiling again and leaving her.**

Holy Shit. Did that really just happen?

The next few days go by and I'm on a different service now. I keep trying to find excuses to make my way up to the Pediatric floor to catch a glimpse of the woman who was completely captivated me, but when I find her shes cold, not cold like to everyone…but distant to me. I try and talk to her, ask her about Wallace, suggest maybe we could grab some pizza and go over his post op results. "Calliope" she turns to me, "I'm flattered, but the other night shouldn't have happened. I'm your superior. Its wrong for me to have done that and I'm sorry." Surprised by her words all I couldn't muster up was an, "Oh." "Good luck in your next rotation ok," she smiles and gets back to work. I go back to locker room feeling like a fool, cursing at myself for thinking it was anything more than just a misdirected attempt at comforting me. I friggin suggested we get pizza. Who does that? She's a world class surgeon and the best I could do was say lets grab pizza and go over charts. She's the kind of woman that deserves 5 star restaurants and sexy black dresses, not scrubs and converse. I'm such an idiot.

Over the next few months I rarely see her, grateful for being able to avoid the awkwardness. I approach one of my friends who is rotating with her coincidentally and he tells me that the kid Wallace is back with a bowel obstruction and it doesn't look good. They were taking him to the OR. Knowing how much Arizona cared for this kid was breaking my heart. All those evenings we spent talking about his case she always wore such an ear to ear grin when talking about her Wallace. His surgery was soon and I wanted to be there. I wanted to be supportive to the mentor who had taught me a lot about the surgeon I was becoming. I also wanted to comfort the woman I had feelings for, even though I knew she didn't feel the same and probably didn't want anything from me. I sat in the gallery, watching the case. From what we could see it didn't look good. His bowel was perforated, he had a small bowel obstruction and apparently there was some disease that had become visible again. Knowing these parents and how much they pushed Arizona to do whatever she could for them, I wondered if she wanted to operate on him or not. The first hour passed and I saw a side of Arizona that I had never seen before. She looked tired, she was becoming unfocused and she was yelling. She was scared. It broke my heart to see her like this. She worked mercilessly for another hour on his small body, but it was too late. His disease had progressed even further than was visual to her and she had to let him go. I couldn't take my eyes off of her as she cleaned shut off his monitors and called the time of death. Everyone had left the gallery, no longer interested in the cessation of the cutting. I sat there just looking down at the small boy that I had grown to care for and the woman that had done everything to save him. She looked up to the gallery and our eyes met, before she looked away and left the OR. I stayed for a while, watching the nurses clean him up and get him ready for his parents to see. I knew Arizona couldn't stay there and make sure, but I knew she'd want to—so I stayed for her. After the afternoons events I was drained and sought the comfort of an on-call room cot. It had been several hours since Wallace had died and I figured that Arizona was long gone by now. It was to my surprise to find her laying in my usual cot in the call room. I quietly entered, sitting on the bed across from her. She was all balled up, her cheeks were rosey looking like she must have been crying, until she fell asleep. I reached across and moved a strand of hair off her face and behind her ear and I whispered "im so sorry" before climbing into the cot across from her and falling asleep.

**I was awake the whole time. I wanted her to crawl into that bed and hold me tight, but I knew I shouldn't. It could never work with us, right? I watched her sleep for a while, her presence in the room made me rest easier. It was the strangest thing. I think I could get used to this.**

I woke up a few hours later, surprised at how long I had been asleep for. I had glanced over in Arizona's direction but she was gone already, probably on her way to rounds which…oh shit…I was not late for. I jumped up and went to put my shoes back on, but I felt someone in the right one. It was a note…

"Calliope,

Sometimes I call it wrong, and for that I am sorry. I would love to have pizza with you tonight, if you are still interested. I'll page you when I'm off

-A"

_**Texts**_

_A: Are you on your way home yet babe? Sof keeps asking when we're going on vacation _

_C: I'm leaving now…tell her when she wakes up in a few hours we'll be on our way to Ocean City!_

_A: cant wait..see you soon my love xoxo_


	3. Chapter 3

I knelt down next to the couch in the doctors lounge, tucked a piece of raven hair safely behind her ear and just looked at her for a minute. Its late…very late and although there is always a risk of someone barging in here, I take my chance with public affection. I've spent my last 12 hours elbow deep in a little girl who unfortunately wont live to see another Christmas. Usually on nights like these I head to the roof for a cigarette before retreating home alone, but lately I've found myself out to dinner with Callie, or coffee with Callie, or on the roof smoking—with Callie. She's a persistent one and as much as we try to keep our exploration light, its hard to not fall deep into the warmth that is her eyes. I know I shouldn't, I've resisted before and backed out on her a few times, but I'm just so captivated by her. Aside from the dinners and the hours spent talking, we've tried our best to keep the in-hospital gossip mill at bay, but its hard when the only place you have to make out with the girl you're dating is the hospital parking lot, or an on-call room. I went to Callie's apartment once, after dinner and a movie. I had such a fantastic time with her. Definitely the best date I ever had. When we arrived at her place I can tell she was nervous having me see her environment. I forget how strange it must be for my Calliope, since I am in most aspects her teacher. She always comes across so confidently, but when we're alone I can feel her breath hitch and her pulse quicken. Its quite erotic actually. She kisses me and before we can go anywhere with it her roommate, Christina Yang, comes home. Not ready to be "revealed" just yet, I slip out at first chance…leaving a rather unhappy girl behind.

Its been a few weeks since then. We've been able to meet for dinners and some breakfasts, but usually interrupted by her demanding call schedule and my lectures. I'm awoken from my thoughtful trance at the feeling of her stir. "Oh god, did a miss a page?" she asks, eyes blinking in fear. I smile softly and touch her arm reassuringly, "No, I was passing on my way home and say you laying in here. How come you aren't going home?" "It's too far" she grunts, still groggy, "besides I have rounds in 4 hours, it doesn't make sense to go home." I nod, in agreement. "It's nice to see you…i..uh..i mean you look good…cuz you know its been a while since we ..um.." she stammers. "Are you trying to tell me you've missed me, Calliope?" I ask, smiling. She laughs and tries to play it off. "Shouldn't you be heading home?" she asks me as she sits up. I look at her for a moment. Her eyes are so tired yet so warm and kind. Her skin is glowing, albeit from being smushed into a couch, but she wears it so well. "Yes, I suppose I should be" I respond. I smile at her once more and take a few steps towards the door. "Calliope?" I ask, turning around. "Yes, Dr. Robbins?" I feel the flush in my face when she calls me Dr. Robbins. "Calliope, would you like to join me tonight?" She smiles, "Are you sure?" I smile back and her and walk out the door and hold it open for her.

We arrive at my apartment building in comfortable silence. I open the door and lead her in to my dark living room and closed the door behind me. The light from the street pouring into my apartment, guiding our way. I turn on a nearby lamp and ask if she's hungry. She declines. "Ok, well this is it. My humble abode," I say to her jokingly. She glances around at her surroundings, looking at various books and pictures that outfit the main room. "Are these your parents?" she asks. "Yes" She glances once more at the picture of my parents and I at my Med School graduation and smiles. "Can I offer you something to drink?" "Oh, no thank you, Dr. Robbins" she responds, almost distinctively. "You don't have to call me that here Calliope, not when were alone." My mouth becomes dry at the sounds of our solitude. Why did I invite her here, I begin to question myself. This isnt a good idea, she's exhausted and probably just wants to crash on the couch and go to rounds in the morning. "Arizona?" she asks, snapping me back. "hm?" "Can I see the rest of your apartment?" "Oh, um…of course! Well this is…uh..the living room and the kitchen is to the left as you can see. Um…through here is the bathroom and there are fresh towels in this closet right here if you feel like taking a shower…and that um…that room back there is my bedroom ." I say, leading her back towards the living room. She smiles and politely disregards my obvious attempt at avoiding my bedroom. "It's really nice here, I like it a lot" she says sweetly. "Ok, well let me get you some sweats at least so you can sleep comfortably." As I go to turn on my heels she grabs my arm and swings me back to her. "Arizona" she says deliberately. "Y-yes?" She leans in and places a searing kiss to my lips. I stand frozen in front of her at first, but as the kiss deepens I wrap my arms around her. She pushes me into the hallway wall and shes pressing her hot body into me so firmly I don't even think I'm standing on my own anymore. I wrap my leg around her and move to her neck, taking in her intoxicating scent. Her hands roam and her lips never leave contact and I can't see straight. No one has ever made me feel like this before. So turned on, so safe, so comfortable and so not wanting this to stop—ever. "Calliope" I breathe, in between kisses. "Yes" "Take me to the bedroom." Without any hesitation we make our way, feverishly making out, towards my

I tug at her shirt hem and slip my hand to her soft stomach. Goosebumps soon follow, which make me smile in my kiss. She spins us around and pins me to my door. Kissing her has me dripping. No one has ever made me feel like this before. Past lovers, past loves, no one has ever captivated as much as she. I slowly back her towards the bed. As her legs make contact I back away and get onto the bed. She climbs on after me and hovers over my trembling body. I lay back and Her intensity transforms to slow, powerful love making. I'm surprised at first, she's so in tune with my body...becoming more animalistic when I want more and becoming more sensual when I want to savor her. She treats me like she worships me. Almost thanking me for giving her this privilege. She rids me of my clothes and I'm writhing for contact. She kisses from my neck, in between my breasts and down my stomach until reaching the place that yearns for her most. She hesitates, certainly unsure of how to proceed. I'm always pumping the breaks for her, afraid to overstep. She hovers over my pelvis for a moment and looks at me. We lock eyes and without losing contact I slowly remove my panties so that my dripping core is inches away from her beautiful face. She looks at me like she's going to pass out from desire. I bend my head back and open myself to her. Something happens that i never would have guessed. Calliopes always calm demeanor transforms into almost a ferel beast as she dips her tongue into my folds for the first time. I moan instantly at the contact. She continues, expertly licking my throbbing clit, covering my swollen core with her soft lips. There was no doubt about it, Callie has done this many times before. A pang of jealousy rips through me...surprising me. I wrap my hands in her hair and push her face deeper into my body. I've never let anyone be so intimate to me so fasted now I can't stop. Callie is going crazy on my clit, grabbing my breasts and making me feel so good. I moan her name and push my hips further towards her. She's so unbelievably good at this. Not wanting this to end so soon, I flip callie onto her back and kiss myself off of her lips. She's topless, but I desire more of her. I at rattle her and dig my hand into her pants. She's so wet for me and it drives me crazy. She squirms under the contact and tries to flip back and continue going down on me. I ask her if this feels good and she knows adorably with her mouth open. Do you know what you do to me, I ask her? Message body

I straddle Callie, and rub our wet cores together, wanting to bring her to the same ecstasy she has me. I can feel her tremble and it arouses me to see her unravel beneath my touch. I reach my hand between us and rub her throbbing clit. I want to taste her so badly but I hold back, not wanting to miss the chance of seeing her beautiful face. For a moment I feel like I could love her, that I could do this with her forever and not want another thing. She sits up and runs her tongue along my nipples. I hold her head to my chest and ride her, my own clit rubbing on the hand furiously bringing her to euphoria. "I'm so close Arizona" she says to me, wrapping my body so tightly. I press my nails into her back to tell her I feel the same. She pushes me back down and gets on top of me. She rubs my clit and I guide her inside of me...one finger..then two. The look on her fce when she first enters me is mesmerizing. I reach up and do the same, deeply filling her. She pushes down on my hand but never falters from her rhythm on me. I take my free hand and pull her hips into me and breathe her name some more. She kisses my shoulders and neck as she pumps so hard into me. Im close and I k ow she is about to bring me to the best orgasm I've ever had. I whisper in her ear "I'm right there baby" and she quickens her pace and I begin to explode. Seeing me cum triggers her own and I want calliope ride out her pleasure. Tears sting my eyes at how beautiful she looks. I pull her down to me and kiss her with all I have, desperate for her to know that I truly am falling head over heels for her. We collapse onto eachother and I gaze over at the clock and realize she needs to get to work. "oh calliope im so sorry, you must be exhausted" she smiles and kisses me "I'll never sleep again if I get to do that once more." we slowly and passionately make love for another hour until she has to go to the hospital. I lay in my bed, unable to stop smiling. I'm going to love her


End file.
